Day 19 - 'being overwhelmed and stressed', a sign for hidden fears

Picture: Danian Ladesma

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed and overwhelmed in my thoughts regarding comments on my vlogs and the process of answering them effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself and therefore limit myself in my abilities to accomplish the work that needs to be done in order to face and accept the consequences of what I do as my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the self righteous excuse of uselessness when reading reactions and comments of people to my vlogs and in that excuse fail to take the opportunity to show, expose and clarify points in the self delusional states of the minds of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to see that it is never a one step journey but that each step have to follow many other steps, and breath by breath through self directed consequence one will be able to walk towards the freedom of self and the freedom of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and distressed in my mind when thinking about comments and reactions of people towards my Vlogs and my message and that I begin to daydream about what I am going to write and answer, instead of practically taking my time, sitting down and seriously working with myself to write effective responses and finish the task to go on to the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad, wondering if ever any single person will change or even question their views according to what I am writing and saying or if it is just a useless waste of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take opposing reactions and even abusive reactions personally instead of seeing the causes and programmings that drive people to react like that - in fear and panic, sometimes deliberately justifying their egoistic world view and trying to sustain their veils of ignorance, like I did and may still be doing in many cases.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to see the awesome opportunities that some of those reactive defense commentings offer to expose the systems and thought concepts as the pure self righteous legitimation of abuse for self interest purposes they are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tempted by following the inner thought and self-valuation systems of emotions like anger, frustration and bitterness and in those put myself into separation to others and through that become incapable of acting.

I commit myself to the process of exposing, offering and sharing my own steps in deprogramming my own habits and mind constructs that are of abusive nature and supporting the systematic exploitation of Life.

I commit myself to stand the tests of facing reactions and even abusive attempts to discredit what I am doing and to take it as an opportunity to test my own self honesty starting point in walking the peocess of self forgiveness in self responsibility.

I commit myself to face my own fears regarding comments and reactions of others when they are coming from the starting point of Ego self defense and try to trigger my own personal and emotional systems in order to justify their own personal world views even when they are of an obviously abusive nature.

I commit myself to face those inner structures that create egoistic and self rightous thoughts and energy attraction and remain aware of what I am reacting to and why in oder to respond with common sense and remain in the 'Service' of Life and what is best for all rather than to react emotionally, trying to defend my ideas and thoughts about myself that I falsely identified myself with.

I commit myself to not to support the pattern of energy exchange in a mental battle based on knowledge and mere ideas about oneself as an Ego personality which is of no use for Life and in no way a support for anyone, except that irreal, irrational entitiy in my thoughts that will eventually consume and kill me, die and vanish with the end of my existance.

I commit myself to apply Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness whenever I fall for the pattern of self defense from an ego-starting point and thus be participating in energy mind batlles about personal superiority. I can clearly see the common sense in stopping those habits and I am aware of the abusive and self delusional consequences of this ideology of Self as an Ego personality, separated and fighting for an imaginary 'survival'.